A five-star hotel with breakfast for Martians… and dinner straight out of a Rimini guesthouse
Jun 30, 2025 H6222KTclaram
When you arrive in Dubai after a flight and a heatwave worthy of Mount Etna’s lava, being welcomed by a monumental floral arrangement in the Conrad lobby moves you more than the ending of a Disney movie. Flowers everywhere, impeccable cleanliness, staff calling you madam every three seconds, and a gym that looks like a Technogym showroom (with…
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When you arrive in Dubai after a flight and a heatwave worthy of Mount Etna’s lava, being welcomed by a monumental floral arrangement in the Conrad lobby moves you more than the ending of a Disney movie. Flowers everywhere, impeccable cleanliness, staff calling you madam every three seconds, and a gym that looks like a Technogym showroom (with towels folded like origami and water bottles that nearly bring you to tears).
The staff – especially the Filipino team – is simply wonderful: attentive, kind, always present without ever being intrusive. They make you feel like a true queen, and not just metaphorically.
Breakfast? Forget international — it’s interplanetary. Whatever you can dream of, from miso soup to charcoal pancakes, it’s there. And as you leave, they hand you a cute little box with a homemade cookie that, I swear, tastes like it was baked by a secret grandmother hidden in the kitchen cupboard.
A truly luxurious detail.
Too bad, though, that the courtesy set was incomplete: there were three of us, and amenities for only two. A small mistake, but in a five-star hotel, it stands out.
And not finding the room cleaned twice during our stay? That’s more than a detail.
Then came dinner…
And the dream started to crack.
You expect magic, elegance, delight. Instead, you’re met with a buffet reminiscent of a mid-80s pensione, with table settings that scream casual brunch: plastic placemats, cutlery randomly placed, and plating that looks like it was done by the chef’s niece who just started design school.
Everything heavily spiced, messy, and far from international.
If you’re looking for healthy options, better stay in the gym.
One night, we even asked to swap dinner for lunch within the half-board plan — and were denied.
And on the fourth evening: surprise! No buffet at all, but a fixed menu worthy of a three-star dining room, where the only “course” was patience.
And if you’re unsure what to pick, just know that — unfortunately — you’ll find the same uninspiring menu every night. For a five-star hotel, that’s simply unacceptable.
Oh — and when we ordered a yogurt via room service, they brought us… a barley risotto. I swear. Yogurt. Barley risotto.
In short: you leave enchanted by the golden elevators, charmed by the kindness of the staff, but when someone asks, “How was the food?” the most honest answer is a polite “not that great.”
One last, tiny suggestion from a branding lover: those bathrobes are among the most beautiful I’ve ever seen in a hotel.
Why not create a display in the lobby and make them available for purchase?
A luxury souvenir that extends the experience.
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