This was our first Couples resort and probably the last; we have been to a few other resorts in Jamaica and this was not great. I can see the shadows of the glamourous resort it once was, but just based on the common expectation of food, service, and infrastructure it all felt very lacking and standing on the last breathe of air.
Pro
-the ground is beautiful, it's a compact resort so things are very within reach, and they offer complimentary outtings like golfing (you pay for equipment and caddie), shopping trips and resort trade with Couples San Souci;
-beach was well maintained, lots of free water sports and complimentary snorkling trips, diving, catemaran trips, and glass bottom boat tours; the au naturel island was fun and a nice option to be away from the activities on the resort;
-decent gym and love the seperate yoga room; 24/7 icecream machine and late night pool side grill was awesome, coffee shop made fantastic drinks, alcoholic drinks were strong, martini nights and piano karaoke nights were fun;
-our room was big and bed was comfy, AC was strong and mini bar well stocked
Con: the food, the service and the infrastructure felt like they want to care but stopped trying.
-Food was not great, mediocre at best. For the posh dress code Eight River demands, the "seafood cake" was clearly made of a cheap frozen fish cake, the lobster bisque tasted like adding boiled shrimp water to a diluted can of cream, the pan seared "catch of the day" was again frozen fillet, and we had steamed eggs masqueraded as cream bruleé and a tart crust that I could not break with a spoon and tasted powdery; the Bayside restaurant is supposed to be asian fusion except there was NOTHING asian, whatever they served was not tom yum goong nor padthai and definitely not basmati rice, which would've been fine if you just called it "soup", "fried rice noodles", and "rice", don't name the authenticity if you can't deliver; the buffet had VERY limited selection, lunch and dinner was a la cart main and it's a hit or miss with how salty things were, the Veranha and the Wednesday Jamaica party were the only time I had good flavour food
-The swimup bar pool had a thick layer of sunscreen and leaves by mid day and no pool maintenance during the day, as the main pool also was littered with leaves by early afternoon, the "pool volleyball" is just someone throwing a red kickball into the pool, and workers were often on their phone or chatting in a group, I've never seen this at other resorts
-Our room sink had a big rusted crack, shower head & soap holder all rusted, celing fan had loose screws, TV is just cable can't connect netflix/prime/whatever, room safe stopped working, "couples" sticker on doors/mirrors half peeling off, slipped on the rattan mats many times; but I guess everything works
-Service staff were either ecstatic or look like they couldn't care less; our room was well cleaned for the first 3 days then staff changed and we had no housekeeping no shower towels for the last 3 days; the bartenders either made fun suggestions and asked our experience, or just stared at us until we ordered; food service people felt very flat, usually just took our order and left, barely any eye contact; I'm not sure if everyone is just overheated, there weren't many smiles nor the general welcome feeling as we were used to at other resorts, but I guess we also never had a bad service experience
This place gave me a general "we are okay with being mediocre" feeling, and for the price there are definitely better resorts around. I don't usually name drop on reviews but special shout out to Danique at the buffet, Devon, Rochelle and Coushina at the bar, Tahjay at the au naturel island and Phelecia at the café for making this otherwise unimpressive stay so much better :)
